


hiraeth

by ameeeeethyst



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen, Implied Past Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pain, Post-Break Up, basically an idea dump, just pain, pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29287359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameeeeethyst/pseuds/ameeeeethyst
Summary: Hiraeth(n.)A Welsh word for homesickness or nostalgia, an earnest longing or desire, or a sense of regret. The feeling of longing for a home that never was. A deep and irrational bond felt with a time, era, place, or person.alternatively, decisions, regrets, and a home that kenma can never go back to.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Kudos: 11





	hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> this is a piece that i'm not entirely proud of but is very close to my heart. this really short and all, but enjoy :3

Kenma can't even remember anymore what happened. Was it a part of an endless dream? Perhaps, a delusion caused by stress and anxiety. He wished that would be the case, and yet the pain it brought to him was being reminded with his aching heart. 

As far as he could remember, the scene was quick and silent. A quick agreement that separating ways would be better for both of them. That maybe, if they don’t see each other again, their world would be at ease. 

Kenma was convinced that it was all his fault. It was his fault that his life is facing a downfall, that his mind keeps drowning him every time that he tries to think. It was his fault that the cuts that lie onto his soul were too hard to heal. 

He didn’t want the other to be dragged down by him. 

Whenever he remembers that soft smile that he shows only for him, his caring voice that would say that he would always understand him, his comfort that would always, always feel at home, it pains him. He doesn’t deserve it. Or anything.

It was his fault. He thought that just because they're childhood best friends, they would always understand each other. He thought that he would know him more than he knows himself. He thought that he won’t ever get tired of all his antics. But when he saw that tired smile on the lips that he loved to kiss, he cried. 

He can’t bear the burden of being the downfall of the person that he loved the most.

Cold hands gripped the side of his sweater, breath visible from the dropping of temperature. The sweater fits him perfectly, but it's not as comfortable as the huge ones that he used to wear that doesn't actually belong to him. He always wished that he could have at least stolen one before they parted ways. The freezing breeze kissed his pale skin, his golden eyes lacking the brightness of the color that it used to have. 

Was it a wrong decision after all? He was convinced that it isn’t. As long as the person he loves is happy, the pain would be always worth it.

He walked down the street, head looking straight and being alert, avoiding the problems that he might make. It was different than when they're still together and someone would place their hands on his shoulder, guiding him as he walked and placed his attention on his switch.

Kenma wished that he gave his attention to him instead when he still had the chance.

When he reached his apartment, eyes wandered on the blank floor that used to have another shoe around whenever he gets home, the wall that used to have their pictures hanged, the furniture that always had his trace around. Even the smallest of scent didn't even stay for long.

It looks blank and dead. It's as if the colors ran cold and also left.

He laid on his bed on the same spot that had been their comfort place. He looked up the white ceiling, thinking, contemplating, and wished that maybe, if he hadn't pushed him away, he would still be able to hold his hand, to hear his voice, to be with him. Too many what-ifs, yet all of the possible results ended up miserably.

He knew that even though they wanted and needed each other, they wouldn't be able to fix it anymore. It wouldn’t be the same with all those shattered glasses on the floor. 

He would never be back home again.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! thanks for reading! kudos and comments are highly appreciated.
> 
> hype me up or tell me your thoughts on [my twitter!](https://twitter.com/faeryzen)


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